I find living on my own to be very rewarding and satisfying.  Also I find it very demanding and there are things I find difficult or don’t know how to do by myself, and I found I simply wasn’t making it own my own.

So my SC Neil set me up with ILS services with Community Interface Services. I had services with them before, but now I saw how much I needed them.  CIS selected Lourdes to be my ILS worker/RC. I was determined to make this partnership work because I felt it was the only way I could reach my goals and objectives.  Lourdes and I will draw from our experience and talk with you on how to build an effect partnership.

We will cover three points. I make no claims of special expertise. I draw on my experience, and I realize each consumer-ILS Worker relationship is unique. I do invite you to a conversation on these points:

• Get to know each other
• Speak in positive, understandable language
• Avoid professional aloofness, detachment, and elitism
• Show interest in each other as persons with dignity, worth, and purpose
• Respect boundaries
• Avoid control & power struggles
• Build Trust
• Extend and nurture the dignity of risk
• Work as a team
• Plan and prepare for visits
• Understand wants, needs, and dreams and together map out a realistic plan for reaching them
• Educate, learn, find resources, and problem solve
• Follow through on plans
• Set an upbeat and positive feel at visits
• Have fun
• Motivate and inspire

On Friday, February 11, 2011, Lourdes showed up at my door with a supervisor Chris. I didn’t know them at all. All I knew  that they were from Community Interface Services.

I am not sure if you feel the same way about it but it is a huge step to invite someone into my home, my personal living space. I feel safe and comfortable in my place. It is where I find shelter and refuge. I try to keep it quiet, peaceful, and serene, and I was letting strangers in to my living room. 

Lourdes and I met and talked and we decided to make a go of it. All she knew about me was in my chart and that wasn’t much and I knew even less about her. I don’t know about you, but if I am going to work with someone I want to know something about her/him.  The first thing I did was update the information sheet on me. I was as detailed, candid, and thorough as I could be. This was my way of breaking ice and helping her know what my areas of need were.

I felt an immediate rapport with Lourdes and very comfortable talking with her. Using positive, non-labeling, non-professional jargon helps open the doors to rapport. Communication doesn’t need to be political correct, simply let common sense be your guide.

Let me return to conversations. I can remember Lourdes saying we had so much in common. That raised my curiosity.  A big step in the two of us getting to know each other was going on walks. Lourdes thought I needed to get out and walk. She said it would lift and my mood and I needed the exercise. I spend way too much time sitting at home behind a computer screen. I thought about it some, and I agreed. I have a practical streak in me when it comes to exercise. So I decided we could go and do some grocery shopping and make it an errand. So we went. As we walked we talked and gradually we got to know each other. Little by little, week by week we got to know each other better. She was right we share a great deal in common. We also talked as we prepared my meals. Having so many things in common helped us build a foundation for a partnership and a mutual respect for one another.

Lourdes learned my ability level, the areas I need support, my likes and dislikes, and my expectations, and I learned about her abilities and a little bit about her likes and dislikes. One thing that I quickly learned about her is that she is good with numbers and buying things on sale. She can do math in her head and make price comparisons on the fly. She gets excited about buying things on sale.

Respecting boundaries is hugely important for both consumers and ILS Workers. There are limitations to the partnership. There are things I just don’t talk about with Lourdes, and she respects that. I express an interest in how things are going in her life, but I don’t pry into her world. It is OK that she knows a whole lot more about me than I know about her. Consumers have a life long, substantial handicapping condition and ILS workers can’t change that.

Also part of the partnership is that it is time-limited. Many ILS workers are going to school to get a degree and will in a short time move on with their lives and careers. I have lost track of how many ILS workers I have had. I forget their names but they have influenced my life in major ways. Part of the partnership is knowing eventually we will say good-bye.

Consumers need to feel a sense of power because it is there right. Many things act to limit their ability to have control over their lives: dealing with a disability, over protective parenting, and outdated attitudes with disabilities from others. However, I don’t like getting into control games and I find trying to prove who is top dog a waste of time. Lourdes and I talk things through and arrive at mutual decisions. She respects my judgment and I hers.

Building trust doesn’t happen with a flip of a switch or a turn of the key. It takes time and happens gradually inch by inch. There are many reason why trust comes so slowly for me. People enter and exit my life so frequently. I have a limited social network, so I don’t having experience trusting others. My world consists of professional supports. I find it difficult knowing that the only reason why they are in my life is that they are being paid for it.

Trust involves patience and courage. Some times it feels that with every bit of progress a consumer makes there is a setback, and that nothing comes easily. I urge ILS workers to extend the dignity of risk and allow to consumers to try something new, and support them even if the outcome is of a mixed result. Consumers can learn from the experience, make better decisions, and improve how they follow through on plans.

Considering all this, I wanted to trust Lourdes so the two of us worked at it. Having trust does bring many positive things the least of which is to foster creativity and productivity and increase the likelihood of reaching my ISP goals and objectives. 

Lourdes arriving on time meant a great deal to me. To me it meant that I mattered, was important to her, and that she valued my time. Also important was she dressed informally. It put me at ease and made feel safe, and comfortable. I didn’t need to be on the defense. I especially liked it when she wore her Mickey Mouse sweatshirt.

My disabilities effect my concentration and my memory. Lourdes accepts them as they are. She does not judge me for them, nor does she panic or get worried about them. They are what they are, and that is a great comfort to me. It does mean from time to time she needs to refocus me or remind me of things. Importantly, she retains high expectations for me and this serves to motivate me, especially relating to making friends.

I felt that Lourdes listens to me and heard where I am coming from. This make me feel valued and boosted my self-esteem.  Success also builds trust. One huge task we work on each week is filling my pill canisters. I take a lot of meds and filling the canisters took two hours. We have developed a system and have it down to a science. We cut that down to 40 minutes. Another area that we have spent a great deal of time is meal preparation. Lourdes has introduced me new recipes and showed me how to cook them. The latest examples are fruit smoothies. We both feel proud on what we accomplished.

I need to stress the importance of the ILS Worker knowing the consumers wants and mapping out realistic plans and back up plans for reaching goals and objectives. It is more than the goals listed on the ISP. It is seeing with clarity my desired future, and seeing that it is possible, not just fantasy. I am 54 and I am too old to be chasing after rainbows or windmills. My vision can be broken down into three areas increased functionality and organization, money management, and expanding my social network. Having Lourdes believe my goals and objective are realistic and obtainable is motivational and reassuring.

This leads to education, finding resources, and problems solving. For me, I needed to retain the spirit of curiosity and open mindedness. For Lourdes it meant looking at my situations and seeing new approaches to cope and deal. An example, she brought over her label gun and I made new labels for my pill canisters. She has encouraged me to have lunches with my coworkers, and to be more actively involved in my church.

A little levity, humor, and game playing can go a long way in making for an effective partnership, and it comes with time and practice. I have my own quirky sense of humor, and over time Lourdes has gotten to know it. We are so busy and productive during our meetings that a little lightheartedness lubricates the wheels of the partnership and keep things going smoothly.

I find the most important thing Lourdes does to assist me is to motivate and inspire me to continue on toward reaching my goals. Her humor and compassion helps encourage me to deal with things that I find difficult. Some of these issues won’t go away. They are part and parcel of my daily life. Also dealing with adversity and setbacks is pivotal. On a number of plans we worked hard but they simply didn’t pan out. Her positive attitude helps cope and deal with my situation more effectively and keep moving ahead.

In close, there are three points that help build an effective consumer/ILS worker partnership:

• Get to know each other
• Speak in positive, understandable language
• Avoid professional aloofness, detachment, and elitism
• Show interest in each other as persons with dignity, worth, and purpose
• Respect boundaries
• Avoid control & power struggles
• Build Trust
• Extend and nurture the dignity of risk
• Work as a team
• Plan and prepare for visits
• Understand wants, needs, and dreams and together map out a realistic plan for reaching them
• Educate, learn, find resources, and problem solve
• Follow through on plans
• Set an upbeat and positive feel at visits
• Have fun
• Motivate & inspire

I hope Lourdes and my sharing has helped illustrate our points.